I can't say 2010 was a great year. There were some amazing highs, but some jarring lows. I have lost faith in most of what I held closest, but resolved to let it build back up. It won't be easy or quick - but maybe someday I will move beyond all of this. For now I will take pleasure in the cursory aspects of relationships until a more solid foundation can be built.
not believe that anyone deserves a free pass in life. For everything you
do there will be a reaction while at times there may be reward, in
others there is reprisal. There is only so much any one person can take -
or any one person can do before the curtains are pulled back and the
truth is revealed. The main issue is when the curtains are shielding a
mirror - and only when one's reflection is accepted can you grow and
move on. Only then can you change the patterns of the past and find joy
in the future ahead.
Can the past be changed? No. Can it be left
behind? No. You are fooling yourself if you think it can be. It is a
part of you. Every thing you've done to help people, educate yourself -
endanger yourself or hold others down, is a part of who you are. You
cannot spew loathing and cruelty without those of whom you speak finding
out. You cannot move on without being contrite for the wrong doing. You
can turn over a new leaf - but without facing the truth about what
you've done or who you are - you will never gain the trust of the people
in your life who've shared your journey, your pain, your joy, your
It is said that ignorance is bliss, I believe that true
bliss is ignorance of self; Having absolutely no concept of your impact
on others. What joy there must be for the bull who crashed through the
china shop. Does he have any concept of the damage left in his wake; or
was he just thrilled to get in a good run and escape unscathed? To be
clueless of yourself. To have no concept of personal impact - must be
nirvana for the individual, but what kind of hell it must be for those
who must coexist in their world.
I cannot change anyone but
myself. My sister asked me once how I show love.. easy. I don't lie to
you. If you ask me if you look fat, I will tell you the truth. If you
want to know what I think about buying a certain car... yep... I'll tell
you what I think. Politics? Pull up a chair we'll be here for a while.
Life in general? I will tell you what I think, what I would do...
however I will not care what path you chose. In the end it is your life
and you are responsible for your actions.
So here goes. This year
is going to be about taking responsibility. I will no longer swallow
miss deeds only to dish them out as resolution for past transgressions. I
will not look harshly on the ignorant. I will not hold grudges and I
will live in the moment.
I will climb up out of the darkness - and reach new heights.