11 April 2015

This one time.... at Army camp

There are very very few people that

1. have the unique displeasure of viewing every facet of my personality
2. can understand and manage those facets

One of these poor souls is my girl Carmella. She and I met through the Army (that is a story for another time). Like many of our fellow Soldiers we can read each other pretty clearly, and Carmella is no exception. She very very quickly identified that there are two Jingers. She labled them Pink Jinger and Green Jinger - PJ & GJ. I'll introduce you to Green Jinger first.

Carmella's Definitions of my Sybilnosis. 

Green jinger is the force of the force.   The know all, compassionate,  wealth of information soldier whose dedication to all around is not only unquestionable but absolutely the standard for standards. Aka - Evil Drill Sergeant Army Me.

Pink Jinger is the intelligent woman who is a funny, sarcastic,  mom that balances the world like the rest of us.  
Aka - Girly Me.

Why am I telling you this? To stroke my narcisitic ego of course! Duh. No, because sometimes the two entities escape their carefully constructed compartmentalized cells and colide. The results? Keep reading.

So this one time at Army camp (aka Ft AP Hill) we were running some STX (squad training exercise) lanes for some fellow NCOs.  As we sat in the bleachers, blue skies above, sun shining a soft breeze rustled the leaves above our heads.... resulting in what felt like a soft rain falling on our shoulders.

Rain? It was raining alright. Raining TICKS. Mother - FUDGING - LYME DISEASE CARRYING - OH MY LORD - PARASITIC - TICKS!!! (ticks are bad, I'm not crazy - they are bad - well I am crazy - but they are more bad than I am crazy - I read it on Fox News.)

I'm not a fan... Sorry that is a gross understatement I go from this:

to this... 

Speaking of screaming in the shower - let's get back to the story. Like every other poor bastard that weekend I performed the necessary tick check as I showered. Yep - good to go. No ticks.

Head back to our room, "Hey Battle, need you to check me for ticks"
Carmella being the selfless (and much less affected) person she is, "I got you... nope you're good", and she shuffles down the hall for her turn in the ice bucket (shower I mean shower).

I proceed to dry off and get dressed. As I pull my big girl panties on I feel a bump. On my ass.
"Oh God. Its a tick. I know its a tick. FML ITS A GD TICK" (that's in my head) externally I reach my hand back to see just maybe if its a grain of sand I can just brush off, don't want to over react (more). I brush my hand along my back side nope, doesn't budge "Oh God. Its a tick. I know its a tick. FML ITS A GD TICK"!!!!!!


I am not whispering. I'm not projecting. I'm bellowing, and Carmella being the angel she is pops her head out of Elsa's Waterfall and says "You gotta tick?"


"Oh shit, I'm comin'"

**she's gets me**

Carmella hustles her half soap dripping body back to our room and proceeds - to my extreme relief - to perform tick removal... but she hesitates... then the world stops.

"Oh God, Oh no" -- her face is buried in her hands. This can't be good.


"This is bad. Its a blue tick. They are really bad."


"Ok you ready?" BOOM she rips it off.  "bwahahahahahahahahahaha, I am never gonna let you forget this!!! aha hahahahahahahaha PJ!!! hahahahahahahaha"

Ladies and Gentleman. I give you the blue tick nest.

That's right. A bedazzled blue tick from Carmella's phone found its way onto my happy ass.

Thank you Carmella - you saved me from myself yet again. I love you.

XO XO & Stuff



  1. LOL!! Am I wrong to think she was going to tell you it was a pimple on your backside?

    This.was.awesome. Butt bedazzling! Who knew?!

  2. ha ha ha ha Butt Bedazzling. Girl I would have been fine with a pimple ticks are like dancing with the devil. Ugh... hate those things.