07 May 2015
Day 4 - Misery Loves Company
I truly believe that misery loves company, but not in the sense most people do.
I was feeling a little down today. Tomorrow is military spouse appreciation day, Sunday is mother's day... it's also our 10th wedding anniversary. I'll wake up alone. I'll probably get something brilliantly concocted (and inedible) for breakfast, but I won't be with my husband to celebrate our successful decade of marriage, or our management of three littles for 9 years.
I believe that those who are feeling low seek empathy from the world around them. They are searching for someone who's walked their path and did so successfully. Be it injury, separation or even tragic loss, we want to find someone else who has survived the pit we've found ourselves in. Someone who looks you in the eyes and says "I've been there, you can do this."
So I went in search of people who understand. People who won't say "I'm so sorry" or "I don't know how you do it"... I headed to my local American Legion Post - and I'm glad I did.
Once a month the American Legion Riders host bike night. They not only have the traditional awards for best bike, but they include trophies for kids tricycle and bicycle. My kids look forward to it each spring.
We walked in, said our hellos and not a single person asked "where's the big guy"... why? Because they know he's deployed. They know how much it sucks to be constantly reminded that you are rollin' solo. They also know exactly what to say...
"When will he be home?"
"___insert date here____"
"Damn, that sucks!"
Hell yes it sucks, and darn it's nice to hear. I don't want anyone else to be missing their spouse I just want someone (company) who knows exactly how it feels to want to be rockin' my inner Eeyore (misery) for a day or two (yes I totally had to google Eeyore for the spelling).
Our friends and neighbors are amazing. I am blessed to also have the support of my brothers and sisters at AL Post 288 (NC). They play with the kids. Remind them that patriotism is a QUALITY to be proud of. They fuss at them for being lippy with their mama... then they give them candy when I'm not looking. They allow me 3 minutes to go to the bathroom - EVEN when my kid needs a band-aid.
Let me get to the point - I'm not throwing myself a pity party. I'm not going to wallow in despair, but in order to learn and grow from struggle you actually have to struggle. To learn how to manage your emotions, you need to feel something. Resilience isn't established in the absence of hardship, it is built on the foundation of growing stronger THROUGH hardship.
I am blessed to have friends who help me hunt the good stuff every day. They remind me that I have a new job. My children are strong and thriving. I'm never at a loss for someone whom I can call on for help or encouragement... and a reminder that "you can do this, he'll be home soon."
Surround yourself with people who've already made the rounds, and are willing to share their road map.
When you're miserable, find GOOD company - you'll be surprised how much better you'll feel.
XOXO & Stuff,
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