I know that You can do everything, and that no purpose of Yours can be withheld from You.
I have heard of You by the hearing of the ear, but now my eye sees You. Therefore I abhor myself, and repent in dust and ashes.
Job 42: 2, 5-6 NKJV
How many times has TIME become more important to me than HIS WILL? I am begging, demanding, screaming for and at God to do what I WANT instead of pleading with Him to soften my heart to HIS WILL. How many times...
The Bible tells us not to worry. The Bible tells us our only fear should be the fear of God. I have allowed impatience to push me into situations I didn't belong in. Pride has made way for action that wasn't intended for me to take.
God revealed to me that there were strongholds in my life that I was still blind too. One of the most painful was realizing that I had an intellectual understanding of salvation - I KNOW that Jesus lived. I KNOW that Jesus died for me. I KNOW that Jesus lives and I KNOW there is no way to enter the presence of God outside of JESUS. but....
I didn't TRUST HIM. I thought healing was for other people. I thought change was for other people. I thought providence, peace, and patience were for everyone else. I didn't TRUST HIM.
When I look back at my hard heart - my demanding spirit - my ANGER at God for what happened to me, through me, around me... I abhor myself, and repent in dust and ashes.
Dear God, forgive me my arrogance and shallow understanding of You. Your ways are so far beyond my imagination. You alone are the maker of all things. You move from glory to glory, and I have been impatient and un-trusting. Forgive me, Jesus, for thinking You would abandon me. Open my eyes, soften my heart, make me new.
Amen